It has been a while since my last post, sorry, I have been busy. Mainly with little things, like my dying washing machine. (I am such a terrible house wife, and hand washing the whole family’s clothes really is not fun and I did not do it very well!) I finally got a new machine, and it is a joy to be able to put clothes in, walk away, then come back and put them on the line…nice and clean. Be thankful of modern luxuries.
Also I started going to yoga classes, which I love. Many people have recommended yoga, and for a long time I have thought about it, but the breathing in yoga has always scared me, (and it is a big part of yoga!) My problem is that when I think about my breathing it makes me feel short of breath. However, when a good friend came back to Chile and started teaching yoga, I couldn’t miss the opportunity of having a friend help me with my breathing fears. She is a great teacher, and also speaks excellent English. For anyone looking for a bilingual yoga teacher in La Serena, here is her facebook page Yoga Jessyyoga.
And the results are great! I love how the yoga makes me feel; it pushes me, but at the same time helps me relax. Which I really need. Since I started taking the ergot based migraine medicine last year, I haven’t had a really bad, (as in a day in bed vomiting) type migraine, but I am still having lots of small migraines and feel I am taking the medicine too often. (not more than what the box says, but still a lot) However, without the medicine I know what my migraine will turn into, (a day in bed vomiting and another day to recover).
So this past month I have been going to yoga, taking a multi-vitamin with magnesium in it, (good for migraine sufferers), and trying not to eat foods that I think are triggers. Part of this is to control my migraines better, but it is also to look after myself and give the freckle in my eye everything it needs to stay a freckle.
Ah yes, the big ones, my freckle, which is actually a nevus/melanoma. That is what my scans and doctor call it. I visited my doctor again last week and she said that my nevus looks good; no changes, clean edges, not too thick. She also explained that there is less than 5% chance of it turning into melanoma. However, she also explained how a nevus can grow but still be a nevus, and a melanoma can be small and never change, so telling the difference between the two is difficult. So we wait and watch because there is more risk from operating, than what a large nevus or small non-growing melanoma could do.
Looking on the internet, (which they tell you not to do) the statistics from one study of 1611 patients with iris nevus, showed growth from nevus to melanoma to be “<1%, 3%, 4%, 8%, and 11% at 1, 5, 10, 15, and 20 years, respectively” and “risk factors for growth, identified by ABCDEF included Age young, Blood (hyphema), Clock hour inferior, Diffuse configuration, Ectropion uveae, and Feathery tumour margin”. Of the six risk factors, I have A (age ≤40 years at presentation) and C ( 4:00 to 9:00 clock hour location of tumour). from “Iris Nevus Growth into Melanoma: Analysis of 1611 Consecutive Eyes: The ABCDEF Guide.”
And because I visited the doctor last week and have to go back in July for another scan my nevus-not-cancer-but-may-be-one-day is on my mind. Always is when I have an appointment, (the rest of the time I don’t dwell on it so much). And really, I don’t know how to think of this. Do I think of it as just a nevus that will probably never change, and ignore the cancer side of it, (that kind of feels like denial). Or do I admit that I may have cancer but as long as it doesn’t change, it is not very dangerous? And I don’t understand why this feels so complicated. Maybe I am a bit of a control freak, and controlling starts with having the correct name! Maybe I should call it a tumour, not as innocent as a freckle, but not as scary as melanoma. Maybe that is easier to explain to people as well.
I know this is supposed to be a craft blog, or farming, or expat living in Chile, and not a cancer blog, (but it is mine) and this small brown freckle is causing me all sorts of thoughts and questions when it looks back at me in the mirror every day. And putting this all out there, into the wide world helps me put it into perspective. Because there are many things worse than what I am dealing with, and I know I am very fortunate; I have the little things in my life, not just the big ones.